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My marriage ended with a whimper, not a bang. After nine years together, my wife and I split up in a parking lot. Not that I didn’t see it coming. There had been couples counseling, crying fits and final chances. She wanted to raise kids in a seaside town. I wanted kids, too: in the city. At least that’s what we said the issue was. We were two emotional Marxists, incapable of compromise, heading toward mutually assured destruction. ‘It’s just not working,’ she said. For once in my life, I said nothing. My first thought was, A parking lot? Sitting in a 4×4? C’mon, you can do better than that. We rode home in silence. At the house, I threw some clothes into two duffel bags and laughed bitterly at the wallpaper I’d been peeling off our bedroom walls, prep work for a renovation that would never happen. I tossed my CDs into a crate and packed up my car for my move to the city. I was fine for a little while, then flopped on the kitchen floor, bawling uncontrollably. My wife wondered if she should call the paramedics. Finally, I gathered myself up and drove away. Five minutes later, she called me. ‘Aha,’ I smirked. Second thoughts already. ‘Hey, you forgot your laptop. ‘ I waited at a petrol station where I used to make goofy faces at her while filling up the 4×4. A few minutes later, she arrived, handed me my computer bag, and was gone. I threw it on the passenger side, took a breath and steeled myself for a long drive and the first day of the rest of my life. Then it hit me. ‘Damn it. ‘ I screamed. Not on account of her. I just remembered my car’s CD player had been swiped the week before. I was about to be left alone with my thoughts for hundreds of kilometres. God, being divorced was going to suck. Or maybe not. At first, I found being single again at age 36 daunting. During nearly a decade in the matrimonial cocoon, much had happened. Internet dating and instant communication had altered the way men and women paired off. Could you flirt endlessly with a pretty girl via email and text messages now? Yes. Could the same girl show up at a party with a never-before mentioned boyfriend? Yes. As Bill Murray’s character experiences in Groundhog Day, massive repetition led to gradual enlightenment. Well, ‘enlightenment’ might be the wrong word. I still give thanks to Jesus, Allah and Zeus for the moment when a spunky make up artist told me we could ‘hook up’ whenever I was in town. I thought this meant we could have a night of dinner and dancing. She set me straight ‘hooking up’ meant we could call each other whenever I was in town and have sex. But, like Murray, who is forced to relive the worst day in his life over and over again until he changes, I came to realize that as a single male I had no one to blame but myself. My character was my karma, and if I wanted to change my life, be happy or find whatever your vision of enlightenment is, the responsibility was mine. A high percentage of first marriages end in divorce, and a cottage industry has sprung up to advise men on their journey through Denial, Rage and Acceptance. My stages of grief could more aptly be described as Fear, More Fear and Ultimate Fear. So take your pick: read a namby-pamby self-help book or follow me on an X-rated journey that includes stops in the garden of earthly delights and Candy Land’s Molasses Swamp. All I ask is this: don’t judge me. Mistakes were made. Dignity was misplaced. I was flying without instruments. Count yourself lucky; at least you have a navigator. The First Date Unlike some of my pasty-white buddies who broke up with their wives and got all gangsta, constantly blasting ‘women are nothing but whores and bitches’ from their car stereos, I didn’t sour on love. Quite the contrary, I truly thought I might fall in love again soon. How soon? I didn’t know – maybe on my first date in nine years? She was an editor at a women’s magazine who seemed, via email and a brief phone chat, nice and non-threatening. We arranged to meet at a bar. And then I began a disconcerting ritual I call first-date prep. In short, Rodrick Industries closes for business the day of a first date. Gentlemen, don’t try this at work: it will get you fired. But I’m a writer; there’s rarely anything that can’t be pushed back in the service of freaking myself out. For Kelly, the troops began mobilizing the night before. I debated when to shave so I’d have enough stubble to look cool, but not enough to look like a vagrant. Unfortunately, the dull razor left a possible-suicide-attempt-gone-awry gouge on my neck. I bought condoms and debated whether to put one in my wallet; that lasted three or four hours. Eventually, I realized ‘carrying’ might give off the aura that I’m a player. That’s not me. But why did I spend the rest of the afternoon making a mix CD in case of a triumphant return? That night, I approached the rendezvous point right on time. As Coldplay played at a volume even Chris Martin would disapprove of, I saw a woman who matched the description of Kelly, my set-up girl. With the melodic mope rock strumming away in my ears, I mouthed ‘Kelly’ in her direction. She nodded yes; we embraced and agreed to head out for quieter climes. So far, I was rocking the party that rocks the party. But as we nursed a second drink and made excruciatingly awkward conversation, I gamely asked how long she had known Francis, our matchmaker. ‘I don’t know any Francis,’ she said. The room spun a bit. ‘Is your name Kelly? I asked. ‘No, it’s Karen. Are you Scott?’ On my first date in nine years, I’d managed to leave the bar with the wrong woman. I returned to the scene of the crime with Karen, hoping to make a prisoner exchange. I found Kelly and Scott drinking at the bar. He was bald and hairy. Kelly looked like a beautiful bank hostage waiting for the right moment to crawl to safety. Kelly and I ended up hanging out for a few instructive weeks. After our second or third date, she invited me back up to her flat, pulled the quilt off her bed, sat down and started showing me family pictures. She sat very close to me. Her knee collided with mine. Repeatedly. I looked at the photos for about a half hour, then got up, kissed her on the cheek, and left. She looked baffled. Later, I related the incident to a buddy. ‘She invites you up and sits on her bed?’ he asked, his eyes popping out of his head. He then spoke to me slowly, as if I was in the special class. ‘Do You Know What That Means?’ I swirled the ice in my glass and gave him a perplexed look. ‘No, what?’ ‘Uh, dude, she wanted to have sex with you. ‘ Oh. When I tried to act upon this intelligence, I learnt about the modern phenomenon known as cock blocking. The next week, I took Kelly to the cricket. My best friend, Sam, went separately with another date. Afterwards, we met up for a drink. He clamped his hand on my shoulder. ‘You know,’ he said, ‘I was watching the two of you. It’s clear you don’t have chemistry. You shouldn’t waste your time on her. ‘ Sam had been my best man during my first trip down the aisle, so I took his advice and stopped seeing Kelly. Sam and I drifted apart for a few months. I then heard through a mutual friend that he was in a hot and heavy relationship with – wait for it – Kelly. A year later, they married. I was invited to the wedding but, in a final indignity, wasn’t allowed to bring a date. I never got them a present. Clearly, I had a lot to learn.

Product DescriptionBuy, sell, and trade the 22 most popular locations from one of America’s favorite television series! This Seinfeld Collector’s Edition Monopoly takes the classic game you love and gives it a quirky spin. Traditional Houses and Hotels are renamed “Parking Spaces” and “Garages”, and Community Chest and Chance cards are renamed “Yada, Yada Yada” and “Hellooo!”. Also includes 6 collectible Seinfeld-themed pewter tokens: The Marble Rye, The Puffy Shirt, The Urban Sombrero, The Bro/Manzier, The Coffee Table Book, and The Fusilli Jerry. A must-have for any Seinfeld fan!Amazon. com ReviewThe collector’s edition of Seinfeld Monopoly is a must-have for enthusiasts of the popular “show about nothing. ” While the basic rules of the classic game remain unchanged in this edition, everything from the game tokens to the title deeds features a clever Seinfeld reference. Buy a deed to Pendant Publishing, then draw a “Yada yada yada” card and see if you’ve been deemed “sponge-worthy. ” For players eight years and older, this is a chance to be both a real-estate mogul and a Seinfeld trivia whiz. Seinfeld Monopoly Ages: 8+ Requires: 2 to 6 players What We Think Fun factor: Durability: Ease of assembly: Novelty factor: The Good: Features an exhaustive collection of delightful Seinfeld quotes and references. The Challenging: Non-fans of Seinfeld may enjoy original Monopoly more. In a Nutshell: A marriage of a classic board game and one of the most popular television shows of all time. Based on the “show about nothing,” this Monopoly edition is a must-have for Seinfeld fans. View larger. “Chance” and “Community Chest” cards have been changed to fit the Seinfeld theme. View larger. Classic Game with a New Twist The fun begins with six collectible pewter tokens including The Puffy Shirt, The Bro/Manzier, Fusilli Jerry, Marble Rye, Urban Sombrero, and the Coffee Table Book. Choose your favorite token, then choose one player to be the banker. Each player starts with a set amount of money as outlined in the included instruction manual. You are now ready to roll the die and start investing! The rules of play are simple. If you land on an unowned property, you will have the option to purchase it. If, on the other hand, another player already owns the property, you will owe them rent as specified on the title deed. Landing on the “Yadda yadda yadda” and “Hellooo!” spaces allows you to draw a card, which can lead either to a small fortune or an unlucky penalty. Property owners can choose to add extra “parking spaces” and “garages” to their properties, thereby adding value and increasing the rent for other players who land on those spaces. As money trades hands, bankruptcy can be forestalled by mortgaging or trading properties. For those players interested in a quick game, the instruction manual outlines the rules for speed play. Otherwise, the last player to go bankrupt is the winner. A Virtual Encyclopedia of Classic Seinfeld References Seinfeld Monopoly is sure to delight both Monopoly purists and fans of the television series. Boardwalk and Park Place may have been renamed as Jerry’s Apartment and Monk’s Restaurant, but the rents are still high! Other properties, such as The Chinese Restaurant, the Non-Fat Yogurt Shop, or Poppy’s restaurant, will likely get players reminiscing about classic Seinfeld episodes. Instead of buying railroads, you’ll be purchasing Kramer’s Central Park Carriage, or the New York City Subway. And watch out for unlucky expenditures such as $150 for Mackinaw peaches or a donation of $100 to George’s made-up charity, the “Human Fund. ” Down on your luck? Draw a “Yada yada yada” card and you might win a court settlement with the help of Jackie Chiles and collect $50. Even if you’re up to your neck in debt, you can relieve your money woes with the snippets of dialogue that made Seinfeld one of the most popular television series of all time. Every bill, from $1 to $500, features a classic Seinfeld quote. Quiz your friends to see who can correctly identify the speaker of lines such as “No soup for you!” or “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” Naturally, the extent to which you will enjoy this collector’s edition depends on your appreciation for the show itself. Though this edition is easy to learn and play for anyone, if you haven’t seen Seinfeld you’re probably better off with the original edition of Monopoly. For the rest of us, in particular those who celebrate Festivus, this game is a treasure trove of well-chosen quotes and references. What’s in the Box Game board, 6 collectible pewter tokens, 28 title deed cards, 16 “Yada, yada, yada” cards, 16 “Hellooo!” cards, custom Seinfeld Monopoly money, 32 houses, 12 hotels, 2 dice.
Monopoly Seinfeld Game

Product DescriptionDarth Vader and the Galactic Empire are out to destroy the Rebel Alliance. Join forces with Luke Skywalker Han Solo Princess Leia and Jedi Master Yoda to rebuild the Rebel fleet and foil Darth Vader’s plans. Features expanded play for Leapster2 so Leapster2 players can connect online for extra games activities and rewards and parents can get detailed learning progress reports through the online LeapFrog Learning Path. Appropriate for Ages 5 Years to 8 Years
LeapFrog Leapster Learning Game: Star Wars Jedi Reading

Product DescriptionDiscover treasures left behind by three legendary pirates! Reveal pieces of their treasure maps while playing games and solving riddles that build thinking and vocabulary skills. Leapster 2 players can connect online for extra activities and rewards. And with the LeapFrog Learning Path, parents can see what their child is learning. Compatible with Leapster Learning System and Leapster 2 System, sold separately.
LeapFrog® Leapster® Learning Game: Scholastic ISPY: Treasure Hunt

Product DescriptionBlokus develops logic and spatial perception while kids learn to be tactical. Players take turns placing pieces on their board, each starting from their corner. Each new piece must touch at least one other piece of the same color, but only at the corners. The goal is to get rid of all your pieces. The game ends when all players are blocked from laying down any more of their pieces. Includes one game board with 400 squares, 84 game pieces in four bright translucent colors, and an instruction guide. Amazon. com Product Description . caption { font-family: Verdana, Helvetica neue, Arial, serif; font-size: 10px; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; } . headline { font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; } ul. indent { list-style: inside disc; text-indent: 20px; } #review { width: 100%; font-family: Verdana, Helvetica neue, Arial, serif; font-size: 12px; } . caption { font-family: Verdana, Helvetica neue, Arial, serif; font-size: 10px; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; } Fun for both kids and adults, Blokus is a strategy board game that challenges spatial thinking. Bright colors and simple rules make it ideal for ages five and up, but adults will certainly be engrossed by this unique and challenging game. Not Your Average Board Game Blokus encourages creative thinking and has received a Mensa award for promoting healthy brain activity. The goal of this game is for players to fit all of their pieces onto the board. When placing a piece it may not lie adjacent to the player’s other pieces, but must be placed touching at least one corner of their pieces already on the board. The player who gets rid of all of their tiles first is the winner and strategic thinking helps as you block moves from your opponent. Blokus sometimes comes to an end because there are no more possible moves. Four players make this abstract game especially fast and exciting; however, it can be just as fun for two or three players. Blokus has come up with a number of different ways to play the game to make it more thrilling when playing with less than four players. Draft Blokus allows a player to use more than one color and Reverse Blokus reverses the entire game so that the person who places the least amount of tiles on the board is the winner. It can even be played in a solitaire version when one player attempts to place all of their pieces in a single sitting. A game of Blokus typically lasts a 30 minutes. As a practical feature, raised edges on the board help keep the tiles in place and allow convenient clean-up. This game includes 84 pieces in four vibrant colors, an instruction guide, and one gameboard with 400 squares. Blokus is simple to understand, but the game’s complexity is revealed shortly after everyone begins to play. It can be addictive, even for those not normally into abstract games. Blokus is a catalyst for spatial thinking, as players form images in their mind before placing the pieces on the board. Children and adults can play together for hours of competitive family fun. As Europe’s 2003 Game of the Year, Blokus is adored by many and even played in professional tournaments. What’s in the Box 84 pieces in four colors, gameboard with 400 squares, and an instruction guide. Once a piece has been placed on the board it can’t be moved, so plan your moves carefully. Adding to the game’s challenges, each new piece must touch at least one other piece of the same color, but only at the corners.
Blokus Classics Game